"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
