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• (804): View more from Virginia

  i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

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• (352): View more from Florida

  Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.

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• (585): View more from New York

  i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.

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• (707): View more from California

  i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  You slipped off the sink last night.

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Why was I on the sink......?

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  ;)

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• (361): View more from Texas

  Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.

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