I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
