I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
