Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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