i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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