Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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