I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
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And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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