I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
