If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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