you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
