i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
