Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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