My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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