At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
