I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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