I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
