Non-Jews are for practice
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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