i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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