Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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