I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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