Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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