wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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