I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
