Cold hands, warm shart.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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