if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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