Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
