Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
