Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
