mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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