I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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