I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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