Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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