You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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