so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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