Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
