Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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