Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
