JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
