I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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