I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Randomize
