morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
