i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
