woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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