How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
