i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
