Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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