God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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