I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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