I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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