Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
