Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
