Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
