I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
