Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
