I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize