My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
