just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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