so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
