***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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