he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
