hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
