He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
