Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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