girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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