Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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