btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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