You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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